just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
