hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
