she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
