my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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