1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
