first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
