He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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