Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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