so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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