I am puke
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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