I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
