thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
