yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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