Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
