the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
