Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
