you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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