the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
