My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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