i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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