It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
