hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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