We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
