My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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