Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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