I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
not ubering you a puppy
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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