Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
