omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
