He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
