I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
