Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
