I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
