Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
