I accidentally had phone sex last night
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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