The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
