Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
