The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
