The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
