When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
