They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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