I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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