I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
