Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
