Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
