I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
