flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
