I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
