glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
