I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
