I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
